


if i can only save one (it has to be you)

by angelcult



Category: Sonic the Hedgehog - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Immortality, M/M, Romance, Sad with a Happy Ending, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-06
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-06-23 12:51:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19701730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelcult/pseuds/angelcult
Summary: Shadow has to learn how to live and how to love even when the world is crashing down around him.





	if i can only save one (it has to be you)

**Author's Note:**

> Please, enjoy! This fic is much, much longer than planned so please comment if you can do so.

To live forever would be a curse, to be too powerful to kill and too skilled to allow oneself to die, is even crueler.

At least, that’s what Shadow always thought. The nights when he remembered his blonde haired sister and their scientist father, he remembered how he was made to last, to be a cure. He’d failed that, when he grew up with Maria, and her sickness steadily began to worsen. The light in her eyes, however, never did fade away.

Even when she’d been shot, the light had taken so long to fade away, and it was like watching a phoenix finally being killed, knowing distantly that it would not come back.

She had one last wish, she wanted Shadow to be  _ happy _ , wanted him to allow himself a chance to live. She wanted him to love the Earth, the one place she could not go because they would not be able to keep her living, even as long as she had.

If only she knew how cruelly time behaved, how Shadow would be treated and shunned by the world, maybe she would have asked him to pull his power rings off instead, and allowed him to die beside her.

* * *

Sonic the Hedgehog was a lot of things. He was infuriating, annoying and  _ persistent.  _ Shadow had learned this over the two years he’d known him, as both an enemy and what some  _ might  _ call a friend. Shadow would never let him get that close, however, he’d never allow  _ himself _ to get that close, whether it be fear or something unknown and he didn’t particularly care to name. 

“Come on, Shads! Can’t you keep up?” Sonic’s jovial laugh brought him back to the present, where the two of them raced along the path of the grassy plane, the blue speedster looking more than pleased with the glare that was thrown his way, the hissing of Shadow’s hover skates increasing in frequency as he sped up, trying to get ahead of Sonic, the grass burning beneath him. He achieved doing so for a fraction of a second but he and Sonic had always been evenly matched, in nearly everything. Speed and athleticism, where Sonic was more agile, Shadow made up in with strength. 

“Faker, aren’t you tired of these pointless games when it’s obvious who’s better?” Shadow hissed through gritted teeth, but Sonic just smiled, not like the one he gave cameras and fans, but the ones solely reserved for those friends of his. “Aw, Shads! Thank you!” He even had the nerve to wink at him in an almost teasing manner. 

It was enough to throw Shadow off, he slowed for what couldn’t have been more than a fraction of a second but it was more than enough as a sonic boom reverberated through the field and Shadow allowed himself to slow and watch the blue hedgehog streak away.

Shadow didn’t care that he’d basically forfeited their race, instead he allowed himself to replay that smile in his mind’s eye and how it looked so familiar…

* * *

“Shadow! I lost ya back there- are you alright?” Sonic went to touch Shadow but the artificial Lifeform brushed his hand away, cold red eyes meeting surprised green, and Sonic took a step back. He’d been on the receiving end of too many overpowered attacks from Shadow to not know when the other was more than likely going to lash out at him if he kept pushing physical boundaries, but maybe he’d be less likely to get throttled if he kept his distance. 

“I’m fine, Sonic.” The wind ruffled his fur and Sonic was sure he was mistaken but, he could have sworn it looked like Shadow had been crying before he arrived. The hero of Mobius had always found Shadow to be a bit odd, but he usually chalked the nature up to the fact that Shadow had not lived a very normal life. He knew very little of Shadow’s past but from what he did know, it was something that had changed him very deeply. 

There were rumors, of course, that everyone Shadow had ever loved died right in front of him, and that might very well be true. Though, Shadow was older than him by decades and only he truly knew what had made him the way he was, so cold and calculated. 

“Shadow..” Sonic, he had a heart of gold, but the other hedgehog had never wanted to be a part of Sonic’s world, not when he was always idiotic enough to give too much and expect nothing in return.

The world didn’t work like that, and Shadow often wanted to beat the logic into Sonic since talking to him never did any good.

“What?” He asked, snappishly but the blue hedgehog was more than used to his snappy words and he gave Shadow another one of those smiles, the one he was beginning to hate, as he shrugged and ran a hand through his relatively relaxed quills. 

“You can always talk to me, ya know? You’re like.. A really cool hedgehog and I know you probably hate me but I don’t mind you.” Sonic finished off with a flush to his cheeks, but if anything he looked more than pleased with the words and was now patiently waiting for Shadow to respond to him.

The artificial lifeform cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable with Sonic’s sudden want to be frank with him. 

“You’re right, Sonic, I  _ do  _ hate you,” and the lie was bitter in his mouth, felt like sawdust on his tongue. The hero flinched away from the other, biting down on his lip when he saw the cold way Shadow was looking at him. “And I think maybe you should learn to hate me too.” The words were soft but Sonic’s sensitive ears picked them up, just in time to see Shadow dash away, a sonic boom happening seconds later as he broke through the sound barrier, and he couldn’t help but watch.

_ Oh Shadow,  _ Sonic thought as he crossed his arms over his chest, gaze soft as they followed the flaming trail he’d left, the fire was quickly dissipating. 

* * *

Shadow had never been one to run away, not from his problems and surely not from Sonic, but that open look in his eyes, the way he spoke so honestly with him, even Rouge never did that.

It stung, to know that even though he hadn’t gotten close to Sonic, the hedgehog had managed to see a sort of friendship between them. The wind cut around him so harshly that if he was a normal Mobian, he’d surely be dead. No, he wasn’t however, not when alien blood ran through his veins and he didn’t particularly bleed red. Not when he was made to last forever, to live because  _ cures didn’t die _ . If anything, they simply evolved. 

Rolling his eyes, Shadow kept running. Past Club Rouge and soon skidded to a stop when he found himself at the city’s edge, eyes searching for  _ something.  _

That damn smile, it was such a new development compared to Sonic’s usual smirks and shit-eating grins that he didn’t know if he wanted to scream at him or break down in his arms.

He hadn’t seen a smile like Maria’s in over fifty years, and to see one replicated like that on Sonic’s face was both horrifying and a testament to his own loneliness.

Shadow looked up at the sky, and though it was slowly becoming dark, his genetically-modified eyes could see the stars that had yet to start twinkling, could trace the constellations, he could even envision the floating remains of ARK. 

Maria’s grave. 

It was in that moment Shadow felt those childish thoughts of how he didn’t ask to be created, to some degree, he didn’t even want to be alive but he didn’t know what was stopping him from taking his life. It was meaningless, at this point, like a needle with the cap on, full of medication and potential, but no one to use it on. 

Not G.U.N., not Rouge or Omega, not Sonic.. so what? 

Was it Maria’s wish? Even so, to live when he didn’t want to be alive was cruel, to pretend to be happy would be the ultimate form of disrespect to Maria’s dream.

He tried to blink tears away, but it was no use as they clung to his lashes and the fur of his cheeks. He didn’t sob, just allowed the tears to pool and pour, staring up at the treacherous stars and the unreliable moon. 

  
  


When Shadow returned to Club Rouge, he avoided the crowd and made his way to the apartment above it, the flat was larger than one would imagine with two bedrooms and a guest room, a living room that was connected to the kitchen and two bathrooms. Not to mention the window that overlooked the city, it was almost like a penthouse in that sense. 

Rouge wasn’t here, though the smell of her perfume lingered, stuck into the carpet, the fabric of the couch, practically clinging to the wall, as well as her much softer, natural scent that Shadow could only compared to fresh spring water.

Rouge was one of the few people he trusted at his back, and there was also Omega. Two people he knew would never harm him, or attempt to use him. 

_ Omega isn’t even Mobian.. But then again, neither am I,  _ Shadow thought briefly, stepping into his bedroom and closing the door, looking around the room. It was mostly empty, comparable to one of the guest bedrooms if not for the small signs of life. There was a necklace hung on the door that connected to the bathroom, a toothbrush in the holder, a quill brush on the counter.

Little things that all pointed to life, but could easily be removed and no one would be any wiser that someone actually lived in the room.

Shadow sighed, his ears briefly folding back as he took all of these things in, the loneliness, the regret, the yearning for something other than going on missions, and returning home bruised and bloody, something other than an empty heart and when his heart wasn’t empty, he wants something  _ that wasn’t  _ missing Maria or Gerald.

He wanted to feel alive, he wanted to be close but another part of him was scared, feared the prospect of being close, both emotionally and physically. Shadow was the Ultimate Lifeform and being so meant that he was not easy to kill. He never got sick, didn’t have allergies, could process information like a computer in terms of cures, medicines, clean water and unsafe water, he could smell the plastic in fries and taste the rat poison in hot dogs, he wasn’t even made for a normal life. 

To live forever and to not enjoy it, even a little, was also cruel. 

* * *

“I think he needs someone, ya know? We all need someone. I mean, I’ve got all of you guys, so why shouldn’t he have someone?”

Sonic was rambling again and Tails just sat and listened. He wasn’t the scrawny six year old Sonic had rescued years ago, he was a teenager now and had become more than used to hearing Sonic talk like this. 

The hedgehog thrived off of the days he could come home, and see Tails was safe and the two would chat about their days and de-stress. 

“Shadow just.. He looks so lonely.” The hero lowered his ears and sighed a little. “I heard that he lives forever.” That made Tails perk up, blue eyes gleaming when he heard.

“Well, that would make sense. We know that Shadow was made to be a cure, so theoretically speaking, he probably would not die. He already heals faster than the normal Mobian, not to mention that he’s partially alien.” The kitsune tilted his head and hummed under his breath. “He might be lonely because of that, Sonic.”

His brother glanced over and raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, if you could live forever, would you want to get close knowing that everyone around you was going to die and you would keep living?”

Sonic didn’t respond, he just looked off at some unseeable point and frowned.

“No, Tails, I don’t think I would.”

* * *

“Shadow!” 

The black and red hedgehog cringed, growling low in his throat when Sonic came blazing in a circle around him before skidding to a stop and smiling at him, bright green eyes brimming with excitement. 

“What do you want, faker.” 

As much as Shadow didn’t want to admit it, the insult had practically become a term of endearment, especially when Sonic responded so positively to it. 

“Let’s go to Green Hill Zone! I heard there was an emerald there.” 

It wasn’t a lie, Tails’ chaos machine had sensed a sudden spike and Sonic had decided that in his newfound mission to give Shadow at least something to smile about, he’d invite him as well.

“Can’t you do that yourself? I’m busy.”

It wasn’t going so well. 

“With what?”

“Avoiding you, for one. And secondly, I have much better things to do than to chase after those damn emeralds.” 

Sonic didn’t look bothered but when the hedgehog was constantly finding new and old ways to be around him, he could tell when he’d hurt his feelings or took away that little happy gleam that usually burned in those green eyes. 

His ears would almost droop and his smile would dim, not a noticeable amount but Shadow always noticed, and it made him uncomfortable that he could read Sonic. 

“So.. No? Because I think the two of us would be able to find it easier.” He tried again, forcing his smile to be 100 watts, perking his ears and Shadow knew that he would be relentless about the matter and he didn’t even know why, what made Sonic want to be around him so furiously. Usually, if he said no to a race, the hedgehog would briefly look a little down before telling Shadow that he’d see him later and dashing off. 

What was new?

Surely not finding the Chaos Emerald, Sonic could easily do that himself, or with the help from that fox boy, so what could possibly be different about this?

“You aren’t going to leave me alone about this, are you?” The blue hedgehog just smiled a little wider and Shadow knew that he would have to accept.

“Fine. Let’s go.”

* * *

Green Hill Zone lived by its name of made up of hills, many dips and sudden drops filled the place, making it relatively dangerous for anyone who didn’t know their way around, but the two hedgehogs had been there many times before, Sonic practically grew up there, alone, from what Shadow assumed.

“Can you feel it?” Sonic asked in reference to the Chaos Emerald and Shadow hummed, nodding a little. There was a noticeable presence of the Emerald, but it’s exact location was mostly unknown though he could lead them in the general direction of it. 

Sonic paused when they made their way to a lake, pausing on the muddy shore and looking much less confident than he had before.

Shadow glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, and tilted his head towards the lake, and Sonic quickly took a step back, sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck.

“I uh, I can’t swim.” 

Shadow blinked and Sonic cringed away from him, cheeks flushed red. 

“You’re pathetic, do you know that?” However, even as Shadow was speaking, he went about the task of undressing, stripping away his shoes, socks and his gloves.

Sonic’s eyes widened when he glimpsed Shadow’s hands, which were more like claws as he had sharp, pointed nails that curved wickedly, Sonic was pretty sure they were even serrated, if he squinted hard enough.

Shadow took a step into the water and sighed through his nose. 

_ Pure,  _ his mind supplied instantly,  _ clean.  _

He was thankful for that, at least, as he walked out to where the water was deepest before he went about diving down under the cool water, breathing out slowly as he searched the depths, kicking down further. His eyes glowed softly under the water, as it grew darker the more they seemed to radiate a deep, red light.

The spike of Chaos Energy was sudden, but upon feeling it, he quickly kicked his legs and propelled himself down, breathing slowly out through his nose. He could see it now, the gentle green glow of the Emerald as he reached for it.

The feel of it was comforting, the soothing energy that radiated from the Emerald as he swam up. He broke the surface with a gasp, looking over at Sonic who had been intently watching the water, it seemed. 

His eyes sparkled with relief when he saw the other, and Shadow didn’t ask but it was obvious that he had probably stayed under the water much longer than the average hedgehog, especially with how deep down the Emerald had been. Swimming back to the shore, Shadow resisted the urge to shake the water from his fur, but his tail did flicker repeatedly.

Sonic smiled when he saw the Chaos Emerald, the green of it sparkling in a way that reminded Shadow of the other’s own eyes.

It made sense, Sonic was a creature of Chaos, he had more Energy than Shadow had ever seen in another creature besides himself. He placed the Emerald in Sonic’s hands unexpectedly before he was handed his gloves.

“So they, uh, wouldn’t get dirty. We should probably wait a bit until your fur dries, though.” He gave Shadow a sheepish grin and though it would irritate him to have to be around Sonic much longer, especially when he seemed to be more than a little bit more cautious than he was before. 

Sonic was very rarely cautious, Shadow could attest to having witnessed him run into burning buildings on the verge of collapse all for a measly, asthmatic kitten.

He was an idiot, or perhaps he was just brave, or maybe there was no such thing as bravery at all.

“You were down there for a while.” Sonic started, taking a step towards the other. Shadow gave Sonic a glance and noticed that he was looking him over subtly for signs of injury.

“I can hold my breath for quite a while, Sonic. And even if I was to drown, I would simply come back in a few hours. You couldn’t drown Black Doom, could you?”

Sonic cringed away but nodded because he did have a point. 

A lot of Shadow’s “immortality” could be traced back to his “biological father” and with that, some interesting things began to arise, such as the fact that Shadow had an easier time hovering when he fought compared to if he was on the ground, or the eerie tone of his voice.

It was honestly quite shocking, but Tails thought it was interesting.

Shadow watched Sonic zone out, but he was more than alright with the silence and he looked away, shivering a bit as a cool wind blew and cut under his wet fur. 

They sat in silence and it wasn’t particularly tense, but Shadow could feel green eyes on him, watching and waiting patiently for  _ something. _

“Spit it out, Sonic.” Shadow muttered and looked over his shoulder at the other, who had been gripping his hands in his lap. 

“How long can you hold your breath?”

Shadow raised an eyebrow but answered the question. “About ten minutes.”

Sonic’s eyebrows flew up in astonishment. “That’s so  _ cool _ , Shads? How do you know that? Do you sit at the bottom of the swimming pool and think or-?” His voice sputtered out when he noticed the glare that he was receiving and sheepishly smiled. 

“Sonic, I grew up in a facility of scientists, why do you  _ think  _ I know that?” The skin beneath Sonic’s peach fur flushed, the red showing through and he looked away. 

Shadow looked away from Sonic and walked away, sitting down on a rock that the sun was shining down on, no doubt attempting to get his fur to dry faster, and the Hero of Mobius just watched him, taking in the grace that Shadow moved with, unknowingly. He watched him until he felt awkward and looked away quickly.

It wasn’t a question that he found men attractive and Shadow was very attractive, his dark fur and deep red eyes always drew the blue hedgehog in. There was something else, an obtuse sadness that radiated from him, beneath his skin, perhaps intertwined with his blood, part of his heart. 

Shadow was a mystery, to nearly everyone. Sonic assumed that he knew enough about him, but most of it was superficial. He knew the way Shadow moved, he knew his fighting style and that when he smiled, it meant danger for anyone in a twenty-five foot circumference of him. 

He knew that he was rumored to be able to live forever but where was the truth in it?

Staring at him, Sonic sighed softly under his breath. This was one of the harder parts of being a hero, he wanted to save everyone, even the ones who probably  _ didn’t  _ want to be saved. It was something that sometimes kept Sonic awake at night. Did Shadow even want to be saved? Was he content with the sadness that he lived in?

Sonic observed the other hedgehog once more, trying to understand him but he didn’t know if he could. 

Soon, Shadow was dressed as the two of them were leaving the Green Hill Zone, the Emerald tucked safely away in Sonic’s quills. Sonic kept up chatter, about random things that didn’t go together, jumping from one topic to another every few minutes.

“I miss Tails.” Sonic started suddenly and Shadow gave him an odd look. “I know he’s fourteen now and he can do things himself but I still want to look out for him, ya know?” Sonic asked, tossing Shadow one of his odd but warm smiles. “He hates it, says I’m too attached and then something about a “maternal” thing, who knows. He’s so smart.” 

Shadow watched the way Sonic’s eyes lit up with pride as he talked about his brother, he knew his chest would be puffed up as well if he was standing still. Listening to Sonic, Shadow knew that he loved his brother more than anything, perhaps more than he loved being a hero. 

“Do you have anyone like that, Shads? A brother or?” Sonic looked over briefly before looking back in front of him, and though they were still moving faster than average, it was more of a leisurely pace. 

Blue eyes and blonde hair flashed in his mind’s eye for a moment. “I did, once.” He replied softly, subconsciously glancing upwards towards the sky and Sonic followed his gaze and suddenly, he looked sad.

“Are they.. alive?”

Shadow felt uncomfortable suddenly, but Sonic was staring at him, eyes gentle. 

“No, not anymore. Not after the ARK raid.” Sonic nodded and there was silence and it felt tense before Sonic spoke up.

“I used to have a brother and sister, when I was.. younger. We were triplets and uh, they.. Robotnik killed them.” 

Shadow didn’t say anything but the look he gave Sonic was enough. There was vulnerability in that gaze, and Shadow wondered briefly if Sonic had ever told anyone that before. 

“I’m sorry. It’s.. hard, to lose a sibling.” Shadow forced the words, but something like thankfulness crossed Sonic’s face.

This time the silence was almost comforting. 

  
  


* * *

Tails watched Sonic streak into the room and then back out, before coming back to a skidded stop in front of his brother.

“Tails!” The hedgehog smiled wide and Tails tilted his head cutely to the side.

“You’re looking cheerful.”

“Well,  _ of course _ ! I got Shadow to help me find a Chaos Emerald and then we talked, kinda, and he was actually nice about it.”

Tails raised an eyebrow at his oddly cheerful brother who just bounced on the balls of his feet, ears perked up and a wide smile on his muzzle.

The teen scientist seemed to realize something then, and he smiled softly, arms crossed over his chest.

“So, you two actually managed to not fight?”

“Shads and I don’t fight… I just talk more than he does and then he gets a little mad.”

Tails was sure that being threatened to “splatter you across the pavement” was not a “little” mad but if this was what made Sonic smile and not as sad as he was last night, he would take it.

“Well, that’s good, but we’ve got something you should probably keep an eye on. Eggman has been pretty quiet these last two weeks and that usually means he’s up to no good.”

Sonic got much more serious immediately and nodded, following Tails to the garage that was built on the side of the house that had gradually gotten bigger and bigger over the years as Tails’ knowledge grew. 

The gadgets would always go over Sonic’s head, but not because he didn’t understand, the sheer amount of them just threw him off. He followed his brother to a large, high-tech computer that was surrounded by a multitude of screens and Sonic leaned in, taking in what’s on the screen.

“You think he’ll attack soon?”

“Yeah, and I think it’ll be pretty dangerous too, Sonic.” The hedgehog nodded, nose wrinkling as he took in the implications of Tails’ words. Eggman was always dangerous, a threat to some degree, but if Tails was worrying about it, it may be much bigger than they were used to. 

“We’ll keep a close eye on him then, and we’ll make sure that if he does attack we can have a one up on him.” Sonic said the words with confidence, and Tails could only smile and nod at him. 

“Now, do you want to tell me more about how your day was Shadow went, because you look extremely pleased.” 

Sonic laughed and nodded, because he was more than pleased with the outcome. He had seen a glimpse of another side of Shadow, one that was much more vulnerable but seemingly gentle, one that was hidden by a hard to crack exterior. 

Maybe the two of them weren’t so different. 

* * *

When Eggman attacked, Sonic could easily say that Tails’ words rang true, the man was harsher in his attack than he’d ever been in previous ones, Mobians and humans alike were left fleeing from the giant robot and the swarm of smaller, much more lethal ones. 

  
  


Sonic hated to see it, but there was death, the bodies of all ages occasionally found by the hero in an attempt to clear the city before he could fight back and not harm any of the innocents. It made him sick, to be the one to hand a dead child to their parents and offer nothing but his condolences.

That’s when being a hero was hard on him. 

He hated death, and he knew that death was inevitable but ones caused by anger and hatred sickened him. Those were innocent lives taken out of selfishness. 

“Sonic!” Glancing over his shoulder, Sonic saw his friends and relief flooded him. The finding of dead bodies was more draining than fighting off Eggman would ever be.

“Knuckles, Amy, Tails-“ He turned to them, cradling a small body in his hands. “They’re alive, but I need you to get them to a hospital.” Amy nodded, her usual boisterous attitude toned down with the seriousness of the situation, and she took the child. Sonic watched her retreating form before turning back to the situation.

“I don’t know what that thing can do but right now it just seems hellbent on destroying everything in its path, the small ones seem to be a little more vicious, however.” Knuckles nodded grimly, smashing on of them beneath his foot when he crawled rapidly towards him. 

“Those are the ones we should focus on first.” 

Sonic nodded in agreement when a streak of black and red flew past him, and the steadily mounting amount of the small robots decreased, destroyed and sent flying into pieces. The blur stopped and Shadow stood, looking more irritated than anything.

“You’re wasting time, the Doctor isn’t going to hold off murdering the entire city for you.” Knuckles grit his teeth but Sonic spoke before his friend could threaten Shadow bodily harm.

“You’re right, Shadow. Knuckles, c’mon, I don’t want any more innocent people to die.” Knuckles would have usually said something snappy back but he knew Sonic and he knew that death was one of the things that broke him down faster than any machine or serum ever could. 

He could see it now, in the way he looked weighed down and tired, his eyes were dull.

“Alright, let’s go.”

The fighting was harsh, and Eggman’s robots proved to be much more of a hindrance than initially thought. No matter how many were destroyed, more seemed to seamlessly take their place. 

Sonic’s fur was dirty with sweat, blood and oil, his energy was quickly depleting with every attack, and not one of them had laid a scratch on Eggman yet.

“Enough playing around, Eggman!” Sonic yelled, trying to turn the tired lack of energy into anger, spin-dashing through the robots and sending pieces scattered about and Sonic dashed up, fully prepared to put a hole through the robot when he was smacked away and through a building, glass and plaster cutting into his skin. Curling into a ball, Sonic managed to avoid more damage, his unnaturally sharp quills his last line of defense as he skidded to a stop, unfurling in an unceremonious manner. 

Stumbling to his feet, Eggman’s voice reverberated through the air.

“Sonic The Hedgehog, this will be our last battle.” 

Glancing out of the hole he’s created, Sonic saw that his friends were barely standing, stumbling to their feet but even then, they would stand no chance.

Sonic had been through worse, there’d  _ always  _ been worse, he’d fought Chaos herself, he’d lived nineteen years and he’d nearly seen the world end countless times, he’d survived so much.

This would not be his undoing.

_ Where’s Shadow? _ , Sonic thought after a moment, the familiar black and red hedgehog surely hadn’t been overrun, right?

Gearing up, Sonic tore through the building, towards the towering giant of metal. Green eyes glinted dangerously, a streak of blue flying through the air and smashing into the robot, the sound of Sonic’s spines rotating against it faster and faster, though he couldn’t pierce the metal.

Uncurling, he kicking his feet against it and effortlessly flipped through the air, landing on his feet.

He was getting dizzy, but he blamed that on the blood he’d lost when his eyes finally landed on the hedgehog he’d been looking for. Sonic took in the sudden lack of the much smaller badniks and hummed, nodding to Shadow.

“You look terrible.” He grunted but his eyes also took in Sonic’s friends, who of which stumbled to their feet and gathered around, all of them looked like hell.

“I can’t pierce the metal.”

Shadow looked surprised by this and glanced at the robot that had gone eerily immobile.

“He’s waiting for something.”

“For what?”

Shadow didn’t respond but something about the situation just didn’t feel right, it was a sense of foreboding as he looked up at the robot. 

“Shadow, can you Chaos Blast the damn thing?” Knuckles grunted and Shadow shook his head, eyes taking in the robot.

“If Sonic’s spines can’t pierce through the metal, there’s a high chance that the Chaos attacks won’t have any effect either. It might even ricochet back at us.”

Tails grimaced, and then they heard Eggman’s voice once more.

“Sonic! Say goodbye.”

Confusion passed over their faces when the robot began to shudder horribly, shaking the ground and tearing up the street, sending them up into the air from the harshness of it, the streets splitting straight up when something caught Sonic’s eye, pupils shrinking.

“Sonic!”

Staring down at the red on his fur, the burn slowly spread, slowly began to take over.

He didn’t even know what hit him, he didn’t know how he  _ allowed  _ it to hit him, but he felt himself falling and there was screaming, but it was slowly fading.

Shadow stared at the blue hedgehog as he fell, his mind replacing green eyes with blue, and then he felt cold.

_ Oh gods of Chaos, Maria. _

He was faster than any of Sonic’s friends, catching him before he could crash into the chasm, the terrible trembling stopping.

It was just a distraction, and Eggman had planned something much more stealthy, something that even Sonic had not seen coming. 

He acted on instinct, on some primal fear that was buried beneath years of pain and anger, and his hands began to glow, and Sonic’s fur began to gleam prettily, began to fluff up.

“What the hell are you doing-“

Tails slammed a hand into Knuckles’ chest, stopping him from touching Shadow. His blue eyes gleamed as he watched Shadow, trying to take in what was happening, trying to understand. 

Shadow was a creature of Chaos Energy but so was Sonic but the thing about the Energy of different creatures was that it existed on differing frequencies, not one perfectly matches another. 

Tails and Knuckles watched in amazement as Sonic’s eyes opened, the green of them glowing brilliantly, and Sonic gasped, choking as he rolled over onto his side.

“Watch him,” Shadow growled, glancing over his shoulder. “I’ll take care of the Doctor.”

Tails crawled over to Sonic and placed a hand on his shoulder but quickly yanked it back, he was unreasonably  _ hot _ , but if Tails focused, he could see the little surges of Chaos in his fur. 

The magnitude of what Shadow did dawned on Tails as he pushed through the burn and checked Sonic’s chest. 

There was no wound.

—————————————

Shadow never said what he did to destroy the robot or what became of Eggman, as no one heard him give a speech or anything of the sort as he fled, but no one asked.

Something changed then, between Sonic and Shadow, as everyone saw it, but no one really understood it.

Shadow wasn’t suddenly nice and understanding, but he did seem much more inclined to listen to Sonic before he hit him (and that was even if he did hit him, it depended on the time of day) but there was clearly something there.

Tails had taken it upon himself to keep a close eye on Sonic, ever since he saw Shadow’s miraculous healing stunt. 

“Okay, bud, what’s wrong? You’ve been staring at me like that for the past week since the fight with Eggman.”

“Like what?”

“The way you stare at your precious experiments.”

Tails sighed and pushed his bangs back from his face, closing his eyes for a moment before opening them again.

“Sonic, I think you died.” 

The hedgehog stopped brushing his quills, hands freezing up as he looked over his shoulder at his brother.

“What? Tails, that ain’t funny-“

“I’m not joking, Sonic. I really do think that Eggman killed you and somehow Shadow brought you back with his Chaos Energy, or at least managed to heal a mortal wound.”

Leaning against his dresser, Sonic planted his hands firmly on it as he stared at his reflection, eyebrows furrowed.

“I can’t remember. One minute the ground was tearing apart and the next I’m waking up to you guys standing around me and Eggman is defeated.”

Tails watched Sonic, eyes gentle. 

“And suddenly Shadow is a little different and you guys are all acting strange. This isn’t the first time I’ve died, ya know?” Sonic asked, looking over his shoulder.

Tails cringed and nodded, recalling the time with Princess Elise and he sighed.

“I know but Sonic.. What if Shadow hadn’t been there?”

Sonic looked away from Tails, suddenly feeling guilty, but what could he say that wasn’t worrying?

_ Oh don’t worry, bro, I’ve wanted to die for the past few years anyway! _

_ Yeah _ , Sonic thought petulantly,  _ like that would go over very well. _

Sighing, Sonic turned around, elbows resting on the dresser as he looked at Tails. He took in the nervous way Tails’ was looking at him, his ears tilted back a bit and he looked away.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.” His brother nodded but it was clear that he was unnerved at the thought of Sonic permanently dying. 

The hedgehog could understand, he’d raised Tails from a kid, taught him how to count and spell and read. To  _ watch  _ him die would be traumatic and painful, no doubt.

When his brother left, Sonic waited until he was sure he was out of earshot before he allowed the tears to fall, his chest heaving.

It wasn’t often that Sonic cried but now the feelings that had been building up over the past week had gotten to be too much, burning right beneath the surface until they boiled over. 

When he was done, he didn’t feel better, but there was a substantial lack of pressure behind his eyes and he could breathe a bit easier. 

The things that no one would ever know about the Hero of Mobius were simple, and that was that he hurt constantly, an ache in his heart, bruising the underside of his skin, right beneath his pelt but nothing ever soothed it, nothing ever brought gentle ease. 

The things no one would ever know or understand.

Sonic had seen his uncle and adoptive family get roboticized by Robotnik  _ (Kintobor, Sonic, that was Kintobor once)  _ and just when he thought he’d found a family in his siblings… he saw them die right before him, murdered by the same man he once trusted. 

Sonic had left the grey emerald in Knuckles’ care and no one ever asked him what became of it.

Sonic lived alone after that, his team of Freedom Fighters never getting close enough, not nearly as close as Sonia and Manic.

He wouldn’t allow it, he  _ would not be able to take the loss. _

It’s why Tails was so precious to him, why he’d put his life on the line for him in a split second, he’d take his  _ own  _ life for Tails. 

It was a shame that he would never know.

  
  


Tails stood outside of Sonic’s door, his brother’s sobs reaching his ears and he bit his lip, ears folding back and his tails tucked between his legs. 

He always knew deep down that Sonic was hurting, he was a hero and all heroes suffered, this much Tails knew, but to  _ hear  _ it and  _ suspect  _ it, that was two completely different things.

The kitsune didn’t know how to help however, and it pained him to turn around and leave Sonic to weep. 

———————————————

“Shadow, I invited you over because I wanted to talk about what happened last week with Sonic.” 

The bio-creature raised an eyebrow attractively and Tails flushed, not quite used to talking one on one with Shadow, especially since he was physically much more attractive than the average Mobian.

“What’s there to talk about, fox boy, I saved your brother.” Shadow replied calmly, much less petulantly than he could have, than he  _ would  _ have, but he could at least give the kid this, especially after watching his brother die in front of him, even if it was only for about five minutes.

“Yes, that’s  _ exactly  _ what I’m talking about! You used an unnatural amount of Chaos Energy to somehow manipulate Sonic’s own and heal him! You… You practically revived him from the dead.” Tails’ voice got much softer near the end and Shadow understood why.

It didn’t surprise him that he knew, he was much more observant that often given credit for.

“It went straight through, whatever Robotnick shot him with. It killed him.” Shadow confirmed and he saw Tails nod, his eyes misty before he blinked the tears away before they could become a problem. 

“But how? That should be scientifically implausible, the Chaos Energy of another cannot be manipulated to the same frequency as another.”

Shadow hummed, understanding what the other was saying.

Chaos Energy could almost be compared to blood, except it was never compatible with another person, and could even kill them faster when attempted to share it.

However, very few creatures were full of such energy to be able to use it in such a manner. The only ones known to date were Shadow, Sonic and Scourge (and Knuckles could even be included when it was pointed out that he needed a high amassing of Chaos to work with the Master Emerald), who all operated on a similar level of Chaos but none of them should be able to exchange Chaos, not even Shadow, who had much more than Sonic and Scourge combined. 

“I’m not sure.” It wasn’t a lie but it wasn’t the whole truth either, because Shadow had his suspicions as to how he was able to so easily manipulate his Energy in order to save Sonic, but it would just send the poor fox into a frenzy.

“Shads?” 

Tails and Shadow looked up and Sonic looked between them, a nervous smile twitching onto his lips. 

Something was wrong, Shadow briefly noted, not even conscious of this particular assessment. 

Sonic looked tired, as if he hadn’t slept the previous night, the green of his eyes was dulled down, he looked worn out.

It was an odd way to see him, he was so unlike himself in that moment and Shadow couldn’t understand why he was able to see these little differences. 

“Hey, guys! What’re you doing here?” Sonic asked as he entered the garage, looking between them. 

“I was just asking Shadow how he managed to heal you, Sonic.” Tails explained shortly and Sonic perked up at that, smiling at Shadow.

“Yeah, uh, thanks for that, Shadow! I.. Don’t really know what to say.” Sonic rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, and Shadow rolled his eyes, capturing both Tails’ and Sonic’s attention when he did so.

It was such an amazingly effortless motion but Shadow’s long eyelashes and red markings made it seem much prettier than it would have looked on anyone.

“It was nothing- What are you two staring at?”

Sonic cleared his throat and Tails flushed, but the hedgehog spoke up quickly.

“Wanna, uh, wanna stay for breakfast? Tails usually makes pancakes.”

Red eyes looked between them and Shadow would rather have said no, but there was this look in Sonic’s eyes that looked as if he had something to tell him, so he begrudgingly nodded. 

“Sure.”

Sonic looked relieved and Tails smiled at them before making his way to the kitchen, and Shadow’s ear turned to follow him, listening as his footsteps faded the deeper he got into the house.

“You want to speak with me?” Shadow inquired, not one to stall or waste unnecessary time. He saw the hero tense up but he nodded stiffly, wrapping his arms around himself.

It was a self-comforting technique, Shadow absentmindedly thought, one he’d never seen Sonic do before.

“I died.”

“You did.”

“Why didn’t you let me stay dead?”

Shadow suddenly felt much more vulnerable, his fur prickled with discomfort but he spoke plainly. 

“I.. Don’t know.” Vague thoughts of blonde hair and blue eyes crossed his mind but he didn’t mention it, he couldn’t bring himself to admit it. 

“You.. I didn’t tell Tails because I didn’t want him to start panicking or anything but I feel.. different.”

Shadow raised an eyebrow and motioned for Sonic to explain further. 

“I feel like I did when I was sixteen, Shadow, and my fur..” He walked over to Shadow and now that the bio-creature really looked, his fur looked much more vibrant, a brighter blue usually seen on hedgehogs who were younger.

Shadow paused, emotions and possibilities flickering through his eyes but he came up short. 

“That’s odd. Then again, I shouldn't have been able to heal you in the first place. If anything, the amount of Energy I put through your body should have killed you if you weren’t already dead.”

Sonic cringed at that but nodded, understanding immediately the fact that Shadow had done the impossible.

_ I healed him, but is it possible that I also reversed his aging? At least physically?, _ Shadow considered it, the possibility of having done such a thing. It wasn’t as if Shadow aged, kept young and in prime form by the sheer amount of Chaos Energy that ran through his body. 

He was a  _ cure _ , after all, and he was a cure for any illness but especially that illness that Maria Robotnik had been stricken with. It wasn’t impossible for Sonic to have had a terminal illness but there was no definitive evidence of that, and if he did, Shadow would have cured it.

Sonic wasn’t like Maria which meant that he wouldn’t have to distill his blood and go through the process of making it substantial for life. 

_ Have I.. defied the laws of nature? _

Shadow didn’t let the thought go further than that, the door to the garage opening and the smell of sweet batter flooding in. 

—————————————

Sonic smiled as he dodged well aimed punch, ducking and swiping back with kicks and punches of his own. He was lucky he was a bit more agile than Shadow, able to easily avoid punches that would knock the wind right out of his lungs and probably break his sternum if Shadow didn’t pull his punches. 

“Go easy on me!” Sonic laughed, spinning and dancing around him, green eyes less dull and much more bright.

They’d been having these playful skirmishes more often than not, Sonic seeking out Shadow as he always did but surprisingly, he was much less cold towards him and humored him.

“Easy? I’ve seen what you can do, Sonic, I would be a fool to do that.”

Sonic nearly paused at what he assumed was a compliment, and it wasn’t for long but it was more than enough for Shadow to punch him hard in the chest and it sent him flying. 

“Fuck!” Sonic swore loudly, rolling onto his side before climbing back to his feet, breathing in and out heavily. His chest hurt but as he’d suspected, Shadow was drawing his punches.

“Has anyone ever told you that you hit hard?”

“Most don’t live to that point.” Shadow deadpanned and Sonic closed his eyes, briefly forgetting about that particular difference between them.

Shadow could bring himself to kill, while Sonic couldn’t.

The black and red hedgehog slowly approached Sonic, and though it was quick and barely noticeable, he looked up and down, clearly looking for any lasting signs of injury.

“Well, you’re always a good opponent. Wanna go get something to eat? There’s this amazing-“

“No, Sonic.” 

The hedgehog lowered his ears and pouted a bit, feeling a bit uneasy, but he smiled again quickly.

“Alright, Shads, thanks for the..”

He was gone before Sonic could finish speaking. Looking after him, the hedgehog felt a dull pain in his chest, and though he knew it wasn’t from the punch, knew it was much deeper than that, he still blamed the pain on it. 

He didn’t want to face the music quite yet. 

  
  


_ I’m an idiot, a fucking idiot, maybe Black Doom hit me a little too hard,  _ Shadow’s thoughts were all angered, distorted and tense, he can’t believe this was his second time running away from Sonic since he’d seen that smile, pained and so horribly pained that he couldn’t stand to see it any longer.

It hurt more knowing that he was the one who put it there.

He didn’t understand, the way he was beginning to feel was new but so familiar, it was confusing and difficult to comprehend. Shadow was admittedly emotionally stunted, he could read emotions but he could not understand them, he could only empathize with the ones he understood.

Pain and sorrow, those were the only emotions that he could manage to understand, the ones he’d felt the most.

_ Maria, what do I do? _ , the thought was in passing but he knew that Maria would have been able to understand this new feeling, she would have been able to tell him how he should respond to them instead of running away like a coward. 

Skidding to a stop, Shadow growled to himself, thankful that he was alone. 

He was tired of running away, from any kind of care someone showed him.

From Rouge, from Sonic…

He was tired of running away from himself, his own heart had quickly become his worst enemy and his mind a close second. 

It was time for a change, and he was the only one who could do so. Not to mention the strange attachment that he began to feel towards Sonic after pushing so much Chaos Energy into him. 

  
  


Sonic looked up when he heard the familiar noise of Shadow’s hover-skates and the black hedgehog was back in front of him as quickly as he’d left, red eyes scanning him over for something before he hummed. 

“What restaurant were you talking about?”

Sonic smiled at him, that one was real and Shadow didn’t question how he could tell his smiles apart, or how he knew that this one actually lit up his eyes and made his fur a little more vibrant. 

“Come on, they’ve got the best lasagna!”

  
  


Dinner with Sonic was… interesting, to say the least. He was actually pretty funny, his accent making his words sound less than proper but Shadow didn’t mind, he would go as far as to say, he sounded  _ better  _ than proper English.

“Where’s your accent from?” Shadow asked, and Sonic paused in his retelling of some fool who looked eerily similar to himself named Lancelot. The hero smiled and looked away, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Damn, I forget I have this accent sometimes. I grew up in Lower Mobius, had these cool adoptive parents.” He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. 

“Yeah, I’ve heard some of the humans compare it to this place called New York.” 

Shadow tilted his head and Sonic flushed, remembering that Shadow hadn’t grew up on Mobius. 

“Oh! It’s this place with huge skyscrapers and it’s really crowded and the people are apparently really rude, or somethin’.”

“Have you ever been?”

Sonic shook his head, taking a sip of the drink in front of him. “Nope. I only went to Earth once and it was completely Eggman’s fault. Hey.. I could have sworn you were there too.”

Shadow raised an eyebrow and tilted his head. 

“Well, Sonic, I’m pretty sure we were in Japan.” 

The hedgehog raised an eyebrow, and then hummed before shrugging.

“Doesn’t really matter since the two merged.” Shadow hummed in agreement and Sonic smiled at him, soft and so much like Maria’s yet so different. 

“Yes... I suppose so.”

Shadow and Sonic exited the restaurant quietly, the hero looking far away and Shadow knew better than to disturb anyone with such a thoughtful expression on their face.

“Hey, Shadow?”

The hedgehog looked at the other and nodded for Sonic to continue and he flushed before wrapping his arms around himself once, becoming vulnerable for Shadow to see  _ again _ .

“I’m glad you decided to come have dinner with me.”  _ Even though I was so scared you wouldn’t come back… _

Shadow looked the hero over and nodded. “It was… far more interesting than I imagined it would be.”

Sonic perked up immediately at the words, eyes shining. “Let’s walk?” The words were said in a way that Shadow knew Sonic was expecting to be denied this, but Shadow wouldn’t, for a reason completely unknown to himself. 

The two of them strolled peacefully, the sky darkening as night rolled in, the stars glimmering and Shadow could almost envision the beauty of the ARK. Sonic followed his line of sight and smiled.

“It is pretty beautiful, huh?” He asked, and Shadow nodded slowly, his ears relaxing from their usually tense position and Sonic smiled.

“Is it nice? Living in space, I mean.”

“It’s.. Different. Gerald used to tell me about Earth, the beauty of it.” Sonic’s eyes widened a little, because Shadow very rarely spoke of his past and now he was doing it so easily, as they walked along the mostly empty sidewalk.

It was soft, a gentleness had settled over and now the shift in their relationship seemed to be more visible than before, both of them feeling vulnerable, but for once, it wasn’t a bad feeling of vulnerability, it was almost comforting _.  _

Shadow’s watch rang and the hedgehog gave it once glance before he looked at it and then to Sonic, much more serious and businesslike. 

“I have to go, G.U.N’s calling.” The hero could barely respond before Shadow was gone, and Sonic stared at where he’d been, feeling the odd rush of loneliness come climbing back up his throat.

He ran the rest of the way home.

——————————————

Tails watched his brother and best friend as he began to spend more and more time with Shadow, taking his time to assess what had began to grow between them, what had possibly been there to begin with.

Tails had never been the best with emotions but that didn’t mean that he didn’t understand them, or didn’t have to ability to read them, so it was clear that the two fancied one another.

Sonic had invited Shadow over to help with dinner, and it was a miracle enough that he actually accepted the invitation, but watching them interact with a strange grace, it was clumsy but elegant in its own way. 

“Blue, just give me the damn knife before you hurt yourself.”

Sonic’s eyes widened and he looked at Shadow, who didn’t seem to realize what he’d said. He kept cutting the vegetables, though he wasn’t paying it any mind now.

“Shads, I know what I’m doin- Fuck!” Sonic dropped the knife, cradling his bleeding hand to his chest, watching the way his blood soaked through the fabric.

“Chaos, Sonic, that’s what I was warning you about.” Shadow grabbed his hand and sent a small surge of Energy into his hand, and the wound sealed up, the pain dissipated quickly.

The two of them stared at one another, clearly shocked by the actions. Flushing furiously, Shadow looked away, kept his eyes low on the ground as he went to clean the knife while Sonic stared after him, looking between his hand and Shadow for a minute before leaving the kitchen to change them.

The fox watched in bewilderment, as Shadow flusteredly bustled about the kitchen. His reaction to Sonic hurting himself had been to fast but, surprisingly gentle. He was expecting him to call Sonic an idiot or insult him in some way, to make him bleed a little  _ more _ but this all proved his theory may have been correct.

They were in love. 

Dinner was surprisingly easygoing, Shadow fit in easily with Sonic’s shenanigans and with Tails’ genius.

“Sooo,” Sonic began, a mischievous glint coming into his eyes as he spoke. “Anyone caught your eye, Tails? Someone from school?” The kitsune choked on the piece of meat he’d bitten into, grabbing his glass to take a deep drink before he stared at Sonic in bewilderment.

“You don’t mean that.”

“Oh, I do. So spill.” Sonic placed his hands beneath his chin and watched his brother, who was growing more and more flustered.

“Well, not really-“ Which wasn’t a complete lie but there was a fairly cute hedgehog girl that Sonic would  _ definitely  _ not be knowing about anytime soon. 

“Wow, really? I was sure the girls would flock to you. Or boys.” Sonic added, shrugging as he sipped his drink and Tails smiled a little. Sonic wasn’t usually very open about his sexuality due to the press so there was always speculation into what Sonic’s sexuality was, who he may have fancied or if he had been secretly dating Amy this whole time.

“Mhm.” Tails sipped his drink once more to try and push the flush down but Sonic spoke up again. 

“You know, if you don’t like anyone at all, I’m fine with that too.”

Tails brightened up a little at the words, and even though he knew he found someone attractive, the thought of being romantically involved with her hadn’t crossed his mind.

He gave Shadow a cursory glance but he was watching Sonic with a slightly marveled look, and Tails knew that Sonic had managed to say the right thing.

“Bye, Shads! Thanks for helping with dinner.” Sonic smiled at him and Shadow nodded, his quills relaxed as the two of them stood on Sonic’s porch, the blue hedgehog rubbing the back of his neck for a moment before he spoke.

“I had a really good time with you here and I’m pretty sure Tails did too even though I have no idea what you two were talking about like, half of the time.”

“The Forces of Chaos, Sonic, which you should know since you’re full of Chaos Energy.”

Sonic shrugged and Shadow breathed a chuckle, making the hero pause to take it in, hearing the quiet laugh. He felt his cheeks as they turned a little red but he kept talking, and he hoped that Shadow wouldn’t notice.

“Well, I’m not really good at-“

“Focusing?”

“Yeah, that.” He bounced on the ball of his feet for a moment as Shadow spoke.

“I had a good time with you as well, Sonic. It was a lovely evening.”

After Shadow had left, Sonic stared at where he had been with a blushing face and a quickly beating heart, and he felt himself swooning. 

“Man, oh man…” 

—————————————

“You know, you usually aren’t out this much.” Rouge had, unsurprisingly, been awake when Shadow arrived him. She looked comfortable, lounging in a pair of shorts and a low-riding tank top but Shadow barely paid her much mind as he took a seat across from her.

“I was with Sonic and his brother.”

A noise of amusement left her and Shadow cringed, knowing those may have been the wrong words to say.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with him lately. With Sonic, that is. Pretty sure just two months ago, you were damning him and bloodying his mouth every chance you could get.”

Shadow rolled his eyes and Rouge’s oddly bright eyes focused in on him, taking in the way he was looking a little uncomfortable, not even necessarily tense, however.

“You and Blue are sure getting along.” She hummed, and watched Shadow for a moment. She’d seen the change in his relationship with Sonic just like everyone else, but she also  _ knew  _ Shadow, sometimes more than he knew himself.

She didn’t speak of emotions and virtues with Shadow often, or at all, but she had seen him at his highest high and some of his lowest. Rouge could read Shadow, she knew when he was nervous, knew when he was scared, when he was on the brink of breaking.

“You love him.”

Shadow froze and his eyes snapped to Rouge’s, surprise and something else whirling in them. 

He finally had a name for that emotion, the one he pushed away, the one he saw in Sonic’s smile, but now that he had a name, he felt something he hadn’t been expecting.

Sorrow.

His eyes lowered, and Rouge sat up, ears angling towards her friend as he seemed to sadden, visibly wilting before her.

“Love, huh?” His voice shook a bit, and Rouge’s eyes widened, she stood up and walked over to him, very gently hugging him to her chest, swaying gently from side to side as he began crying.

“This is a good thing, Shadow. Don’t run from love, it’s good for you. It’s okay to be loved.” She kept him in her arms as she sat down beside him, laying her head on top of his, glad that his quills relaxed naturally in response to her. 

“It hurts,” Shadow muttered and Rouge nodded, empathizing with him.

“Sometimes love can hurt, it can hurt you really bad. It’s okay if it hurts, just let yourself feel.” They were silent after that, and Rouge was sure that Shadow was mostly embarrassed but she didn’t know what to say. 

Shadow was in love with Sonic, and it didn’t make a good deal of sense for him to have probably never known this, it was a little hard for her. Shadow was her closest friend and she didn’t want him to hurt anymore than he already had, than he already  _ was _ . 

“He smiles like Maria.” Rouge hummed to show that she was listening, to let him vent to her. He needed to, he always kept his emotions close to his chest, buried down under years and years of hurt, that he had forgotten how to let himself properly feel, but it was time for him to do so, in this moment.

“But he’s so much different from her. He’s brash and hyperactive.. Though, he is brave like her. He stands up for what he believes. He  _ loves  _ this world, just like Maria did.” 

Rouge watched as Shadow’s nose wrinkled up, his head rested on her chest as he seemed to realize something.

“I don’t love him because he’s so much like her. I think it’s because he actually,” Shadow paused and hummed, fumbling through his words but it was refreshing as well, to see Shadow experience something like this.

Even if he did just get done crying, and they lay practically cuddling on the couch, though Shadow seemed to be unaware of this (or perhaps he just needed to be held and he knew that Rouge would not mention it). 

“He makes me feel happy. It’s an odd feeling, to be happy around him but he.. He’s different than anyone I’ve ever met before, he’s so.. Open.”

Rouge nodded, thinking of all the times she’d seen Sonic and Shadow together and she hummed.

“I’m glad that he makes you happy, you deserve it. Sonic makes you glow.”

Shadow didn’t doubt that he could feel if, when he was with Sonic, that odd pull of his Chaos coursing through the hedgehog as well as the way he was drawn to some of the subtler things about him.

The way he laughed, his open personality, down to the way he absentmindedly wagged his tail slowly back and forth. 

“Why does it hurt?”

Rouge breathed slowly through her nose and closed her eyes, long eyelashes fanning out against her cheeks.

“I think you know why it hurts.” Shadow looked up at her and she smiled, but it was a little sad. “Don’t worry.. You can love her, and you can love him, you can.. You’re allowed to love, Shadow.”

Rouge knew much more of Shadow’s past than most, and she knew that while Gerald and Maria had treated him as an equal, most of the others saw him as what he was, an experiment, and they often disregarded that he was living, that he could feel.

So, he stopped feeling, or at least, he’d tried to stop feeling. 

Patting Shadow’s arm, Rouge wanted to cry as well. She knew why Shadow was hurting, the other reason, he was an ageless creature and that meant that everyone around him died, he stayed stuck in his youth.

It was a cruel twist of Fate. 

————————————————

Amy could see it plain as day, right before her in the way Sonic could make Shadow smile. Anger burned in her chest, jealousy and heartbreak. 

Her green eyes filled with tears, and she looked away, but there was something else that stopped her from feeling betrayed, even though she knew that the chances of her and Sonic being more than friends was slim, it was the way he looked around Shadow.

There had always been so much pain in Sonic’s eyes, hidden right beneath the fire that burned in them. Shadow was easing that pain though, his smile was a little more real, his eyes looked a little brighter. His fur seemed much more vibrant as well, he almost looked healthier than he had before.

“Sonic!” Amy watched him spin around, about to greet her in his usual panicky voice when she pulled him into a tight hug, the pain in her chest growing but it was placated by the fact that she had always known it was time to let Sonic go.

She held him at arm’s length and stated her earlier thoughts, looking him over. “You look good, Sonic.”  _ You look happy.  _

Shadow seemed to pick up on the unspoken words while Sonic accepted the compliment and he stared at Amy in a searching manner. He seemed to find what he was looking for and he looked away.

_ Yes, I think he and Shadow.. Are perfect for one another. _

——————————————

The kiss was an accident, or at least as accidental as it could get. Sonic had acted on instinct, watching Shadow crash to the ground after getting flung by one of Eggman’s creations, which he’d destroyed immediately after, sending it into pieces.

Rouge was at Shadow’s side when he’s rushed over but he had barely registered her presence as he leaned over his friend’s body, watching the way his chest struggled to rise and fall. There was a brief glow and Sonic belatedly remembered the red Chaos Emerald that was in Shadow’s quills.

“Ugh-“ He hadn’t gotten more than that out before Sonic’s mouth was on his and he was rambling about how scared he’d been, how  _ worried.  _

Rouge watched with a delicately raised eyebrow as Sonic stammered out an apology, his face red and his hands poised in front of him, like he didn’t know whether to touch Shadow or not. 

“Shut up, Sonic, you’ve been apologizing for too long.” Shadow didn’t comment on the kiss, but it was obvious that he didn’t really know what to say.

_ Typical Shadow,  _ Rouge thought.

  
  


Shadow was on Sonic’s porch, staring off at some unseen point. His ears were relaxed, mind wandering back to Sonic’s kiss, and the way he tasted like copper and mint, his rushed and panicked words after. 

“Shadow?”

Tilting his ear towards Sonic, Shadow looked at him. “Yes?”

He was fidgeting nervously, unable to meet Shadow’s eyes for more than a few seconds before his cheeks would flare up red.

“If you’re about to apologize Sonic, I don’t want to hear it.” The hero went a little pale, but Shadow kept speaking before he could cut him off.

“Aren’t you tired of dancing around each other?”

Sonic stared at Shadow, processing his words and the realization that he’d  _ known  _ this whole time. Every flirting word, subtle touch and longing glance, he’d known and he wasn’t angry, he was just staring at Sonic with a sure look, waiting for him to respond.

“I uh, yeah, have you.. Can I- How long have you known?”

Shadow shrugged and turned towards Sonic, leaning back against the railing and ran a hand through his head fur. 

“I think I realized.. That last time we went on a run and he stopped to look at the sky. You told me, “it’s okay” without any prompting. That’s when I knew.”

Sonic could remember that, the way he’d looked at the sky and felt that same sorrow, the pain Shadow must feel every time he looked at the sky and thought about the life that was stolen from him. 

He’d told him that it was okay, to feel that hurt, he had a right to. 

Shadow smiled a little at Sonic when he zoned back in and he looked up at the room of the enclosed porch and rolled his shoulders back, sighing.

“Can I kiss you?”

Sonic blushed again, but this time a sharp grin crept onto his face but before he could say anything snarky, Shadow was speaking.

“And I’d prefer you to not apologize this time.”

Rolling his eyes, Sonic walked over to Shadow and looked into his red eyes, noting little flecks of gold in them before placing his hands on Shadow’s cheeks and kissing him, just a press of the lips.

Shadow reciprocated, and Sonic laughed a little into it, suddenly feeling giddy, and Shadow pulled away, raising an eyebrow at him and he laid his head on Shadow’s chest, nuzzling into the fur there.

He smelled like black cherries and something else that Sonic couldn’t identify. 

“I can’t believe I actually got the chance to kiss you.”

——————————————

Not many of Sonic’s friends were surprised by the development, and Sonic suspected that they’d already known, or maybe Rogue had told them about Sonic’s slip-up but either way, Sonic and Shadow were what Tails called a “power couple”. 

They attempted to stay away from the media as much as possible but eventually, it was leaked out, and surprisingly, it was Shadow who had been calm about it.

Sonic was sure that Shadow would be uncomfortable with people trying to make his personal life public but he’d just rolled his eyes and pressed a kiss to Sonic’s cheek. 

“I just want them to get a life,” is what he’d muttered, laying his head on Sonic’s shoulder. 

Years went by, and Sonic got older, but Shadow still looked around twenty, and that’s when Shadow’s fears began to climb up his throat again. 

_ He’s going to die,  _ the thoughts would whisper at night,  _ he’s going to die and the only person you ever loved like this will be gone.  _

It had taken a lot to not sob with his loved beside him, the start of grey coming into his quills, he wasn’t as fast, Shadow could easily beat him in a race if he so pleased.

Sonic would die and Shadow would be all alone.

—————————————

“Damnit-“ Shadow watches Sonic threw a knife into the sink after cutting himself.

Shadow grabbed his hand and sent a burst of Energy into it, closing the wound when a thought crossed his mind.

It was selfish, greedy and he shouldn’t say it but- but Shadow was all of those things, he was greedy and selfish when he wanted to be, and he wanted to be those things.

“Sonic.. Can I try something.”

Sonic nodded slowly and Shadow drew him into his arms, hugging him and swaying them back and forth as he slowly  _ pushed.  _

His lover gasped in his arms, going to stiff in his grip but made no move to get away from him and eventually relaxed into it.

_ It’s time to stop, _ something coaxed in the back of Shadow’s mind. 

He siphoned the stream of Energy off and when he held Sonic at arm’s length, there was no more grey, his fur was a vibrant blue once more, he looked like he did twenty six years ago, when he was nineteen. 

“Holy shit.” Shadow swore, the magnitude of what he’d just done swirling in his head. Sonic seemed to know what he’d just done as well, looking down at himself and back to Shadow. 

“Did you just-?”

Shadow nodded slowly, tears filling his eyes as he stared at his lover’s renewed youth.

He’d just reversed the aging process, he’d just done what should not be possible. 

Taking a step closer to his lover, the gold metal of the band he wore glinted in the light that streamed in through the window. He placed a hand on Sonic’s cheek as he softly cried, trying not to sink to his knees.

“I thought I was going to be alone again.”

Through Sonic’s shock, and disbelief, he gripped Shadow’s hand and squeezed it, closing his eyes and breathing out, trying to ignore the surge of everything he was feeling to speak.

“I know, Shadow, I-.. I know.” Wrapping his around his crying lover, Sonic shushed him and tried to ease his tears while ignoring the rush of Chaos Energy that was sweeping through him, the feeling of youth despite knowing that he was over forty years old now.

  
  


_ “If you could live forever, would you want to get close knowing that everyone around you was going to die and you would keep living?”  _

Tails’ words from years ago rang through his head, and he thought about how he’d said that he wouldn’t want to continue an existence like that. 

His friends were all going to eventually die, their natural lives would end but where would that leave him? He had Shadow, of course, and many friends that had been made along the way but he was physically  _ nineteen years old _ . 

Sonic was at a crossroads, he was just given something wonderful but did he want it?

Looking into Shadow’s red eyes, he thought that maybe he would learn to, or maybe he  _ did _ and now he didn’t know what to do with it.

“Shadow, stop crying.” His voice was soft, he slowly wiped tears from his muzzle and pressed a kiss to his forehead, humming a soft song.

“It’s okay. I’m not going to leave you.”

_ I’m not going to leave.  _

Sonic knew, in that moment, he meant those words, even if it scared him, he knew that he  _ would not  _ leave Shadow. 


End file.
